At SHRM 2025, former hostage negotiator Jeffrey Owens shared a message every HR professional should take seriously: civility isn’t about being agreeable—it’s about being effective. Drawing from years of law enforcement experience and high-stakes communication, Owens introduced the CIVILITY framework, a behavioral model designed to reshape how organizations build and sustain workplace culture.
HR doesn’t just write the policies that define culture. It sees the unspoken norms: what’s said in passing, what’s ignored in meetings, and what’s silently accepted. That insight makes HR uniquely positioned to promote—not enforce—civility through influence, structure and example.
Here’s how each part of the CIVILITY model can be applied to your organization:
Connect with humanity
Respect starts with recognition. Everyone in the workplace—regardless of position—is a human being with goals, struggles and perspectives. When employees feel reduced to roles or tasks, they disengage. When they feel seen, they participate.
HR tip: Encourage managers to acknowledge employee wins in a way that feels personal, not procedural. Simple recognition tied to individual effort can foster dignity and trust.
Influence behaviors
Culture is built by behavior, not by posters or slogans. You can’t control how others act, but you can shape the environment by modeling and reinforcing what’s expected.
HR tip: Reinforce the link between behavior and evaluation. Include civility-based actions—like listening, collaboration and conflict resolution—as part of performance management conversations.
Validate perspectives
Validation doesn’t mean agreement—it means acknowledging that someone’s perception is real to them. That’s how empathy begins. When employees feel dismissed, they shut down. When they feel heard, they stay open.
HR tip: Train people leaders to repeat back what they hear before responding. This small habit reinforces understanding and prevents misinterpretation from escalating conflict.
Include others respectfully
Inclusion means more than checking a diversity box. It means recognizing that people with different backgrounds often see what others don’t—and bringing them in on purpose.
HR tip: Build diversity of perspective into meetings. Make it a norm to invite team members outside the usual group when decisions would benefit from a wider lens.
Lead by example
Employees watch what leaders do far more than what they say. Leadership behavior sets the unofficial tone for the workplace.
HR tip: Ask department heads to review whether their everyday actions reflect the values in your company’s mission. Where they don’t, offer coaching—not criticism—to close the gap.
Initiate trust
Trust often has to be given first. Leaders who consistently model trust—by being transparent, following through and owning mistakes—encourage the same in return.
HR tip: Incorporate trust-building into onboarding. Encourage new leaders to share how they give and earn trust with their teams, creating early alignment.
Transform conflict
Conflict isn’t inherently bad. When addressed respectfully, it leads to innovation, clarity and better decisions. Ignored, it becomes resentment.
HR tip: Offer neutral, HR-facilitated check-ins when departments experience friction. Use these to surface issues before they calcify into workplace divides.
Yes to feedback
Feedback fuels growth—but only when it flows both ways. Leaders who ask for feedback set a tone of continuous improvement and psychological safety.
HR tip: Help leadership normalize “How can I do better?” as a routine question during 1:1s. When feedback becomes expected, it becomes easier to deliver.
Respect isn’t a sentiment—it’s a skill. And like any skill, it can be practiced, coached and embedded into systems. The more consistently it’s modeled, the more naturally it spreads.
